It is 5:51 AM … in numerology this number is an eleven. Some
say that the number 11 is a portal, a doorway to another dimension.
I awake
in the wee hours of the morning with a start. I dreamt about impending
death and the sorrow of leaving behind the persons and things I
loved most. In the dream I wondered how to spend what was left of
my precious life. Dreams like these often portend great changes
in my personal life so I pay attention when these messengers from
the great unknown pay me a visit.
Unable to go back to sleep, I creep quietly, so as not to wake my
husband Brad, to my office to write. As I sit at my desk looking
out of my office windows into the slowly fading darkness, I trust
that the dawn is coming. I trust that the night is almost over and
that soon the barely outlined figures of the tall guardian pines
that tower over our small cabin in the woods will become clearly
defined. I realize that there are no guarantees - only hope, faith
and a strongly held belief in the promise of the return of the light
after the dark night.
The first
birds of morning are beginning to sing. I believe it is a Carolina
Wren, and my heart starts to stir with the promise of renewal and
the hope that the beginning of a new day is not far away. Nature
is teaching me once again, if I can only listen to her and trust
my Shaman's Heart.
She reminds
me that each of us has a wise heart connected to the Earth, the
Water, the Fire, the Sky and to the Great Spirit that lives in all
things. This heart of inner knowing guides us and transforms us
through each change we undergo in our lives, whether we are consciously
aware of it or not. We have, as part of our intrinsic birthright,
an inner knowing that we are part of God and Goddesses' creation,
not a part from it. With that awareness, we learn that everything
must die and be reborn in some new way. Sometimes it is the snake
shedding its skin, or the cicada discarding its crumbly shell on
the side of an old oak tree. Sometimes it is the caterpillar's journey
through the chrysalis, or the humble earthworm's industrious work
of turning that which is rotting into nutrient rich soil for all
of earth's creatures. Maybe we can learn from the wisdom of our
elder brother and sisters, the Great Tree Nation. The Standing People,
as they are called by our native brothers and sisters, shed their
leaves and send their long roots down deep into the dark earth -
standing barren through winter. With each new spring comes a rebirth
and with the sunlight they grow to new heights.
I am reminded
of the Lord's Prayer, which I have slightly changed to fit my own
beliefs:
Our Father and Mother who art in Heaven, Hallowed be thy names….
Thy Will Be Done on Earth as it is in Heaven.
What occurs
to me at this moment is that thy will is always being done on earth
just as planned in heaven, and that a cosmic divine blueprint directs
us all in a constant process of death and rebirth.
Every one
of us will pass from this beautiful planet to the other side. Before
we make that great passage to the invisible realms we will pass
through many smaller deaths and rebirths. Just as in nature all
around us, we too will be given the gift - over and over again -
of learning how to let go and surrender our will and our ego defenses
to something more powerful.
As for me,
I hope - as the old saying goes: "When death comes aknockin'
he will find me fully alive!"
To be fully alive, we must become willing to embrace all of who
we truly are and who we are in the process of becoming. This means
learning how to change the things we can and accept the things we
cannot change. Change is the most shamanic journey any of us will
ever make. Change is death - but it is also rebirth. It is about
leaving things behind and opening to the new. Often we must leave
behind people, places and things we mistakenly think are ours in
order to step more fully into rebirth and to reclaim the only thing
that is truly ours, our soul's purpose.
Sometimes
there is tremendous resistance from all sides when we undergo such
changes - including from ourselves. Fear, anger and doubt often
accompany us on our journey, as well as courage, strength and faith.
One of the
promises that nature makes is that the essence of who and what we
truly are continues forward into each new incarnation. The caterpillar's
heart still beats within the butterfly's tiny chest, the new leaves
return to the same, if slightly larger branches, the snake grows
new skin and the cicada moves on to its next incarnation. Whether
we believe in an afterlife or reincarnation or not, the truth remains
… we each survive many losses, many deaths in our very human
lives. The truth is that we reincarnate with each breath we take.
One who
is birthing the Shaman's Heart within his or her own chest and conscious
awareness, learns with each new death and rebirth sequence to let
go lightly and to trust the process. This does not mean that they
are above it all, but simply that they learn how to drop into the
chamber of their heart and say "Not My Will But Thine Be Done."
They turn it over to the divine and move on down the birth canal,
trusting with each breath that what ever comes next will be the
"just right" lesson of higher love and wisdom.
It is now
7:21 AM and the morning grey mist is rising slowly like wood smoke
up over the trees and into the blue sky over the mountains. The
sun is not yet shining into our little cove nestled in the heart
of these most ancient of mountains……… but I trust
it won't be long.
